Well That Escalated Quickly

I like messing with my posts' titles, apparently. Like this one, hah. Most of the time, they're extremely formulaic, but I like formulaic, because I myself am very systematic. Anyway.

Most of you are familiar with the current situation that I'm in. I wrote a post for Armchair BEA's "Topic of Choice" portion, on Friday, about book conventions in general. Things were fine on Friday, Saturday, Sunday... but not Sunday night, and not Monday. Things blew up.

On Sunday night, a slew of comments appeared on my posts. Several people were very irritated, angry, upset. That night, I didn't respond to any tweets, any comments, anything that seemed overly emotional or negative or mean or anything. I "hid" the comments, because I didn't want to see anymore of them. Bad move, apparently. I turned off my Internet connection for the night, did two nights' worth of Physics homework, and went to bed.

I didn't join the Internet all day on Monday either. I think several bloggers took my silence badly. I thought I was doing an "adult" thing, by avoiding the direct confrontation with specific people. I didn't want to be angry with anyone, or engage in any conversations on Twitter. Several bloggers tweeted many, many tweets at me, and TONS of bloggers retweeted those tweets, and here I am getting like 200+ Twitter notifications in a span on minutes. Like woah O_O

I wasn't going to add fuel to the fire. But sadly, my silence was taken as me ignoring everyone. I truly apologize for that - that was sooo not my intention. I was doing the "adult" thing by not fighting with anyone, or engaging - or so I thought. On Sunday night, I already knew that I would write a post and publish it, addressing things. I had taken down the comments of the offensive post at the time.

On Monday, I went online for the first time around 6:00 pm. And saw another blogger's posts, an infinite amount of comments, tweets, and messages, some directed towards me, some talking about me but not mentioning me directly, but all were very, very negative. The first thing I did NOT do was respond. In fact, I started crying. A lot. I hate crying. I seldom cry. But it was messy. My family thought something really serious had happened. 

I don't want pity. I'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me. I just want people to know that I was truly HURT. Everyone else was angry, upset, but I was HURT. Was anyone else brought to tears? Was anyone not able to breathe, looking at all of the cruel, nasty, horrible messages sent directly to them? I got so much negative messages and comments and tweets, directly to me. 

So, the post. The post was not directed at anyone who reads my blog, anyone that I follow, anyone that follows me. I had hoped that no one would take things personally. I specifically stated in the post that the post did not apply to everyone - in fact, it applied to a very few people. The post was observational. I'm sorry if I insulted anyone personally - THAT I did insult people. That wasn't my intention. My intention wasn't to act entitled, snobby, b****y, attention-seeking, or whatever other things people are saying. I didn't want to insult everyone or anyone - that was not my intention. I don't want to seem hypocritical, or like I'm holding double standards. Because I'm not any of those things, and I'm not holding any standards to anyone.

I honestly should NOT have to apologize for stating my opinions, especially on my blog. However, I didn't want my opinions to make people burst blood vessels, so I'm sorry that I said anything at all. I don't do opinion- or discussion-based posts, and I won't be doing them anytime soon.

I'm sorry that I didn't privately and publicly respond to everyone tweets, messages, comments, and so on. To be honest, last night, and this evening, I just didn't want to see them. I had already had this post drafted, and I knew it would be published today (Tuesday), but the blogosphere wanted me to give an immediate response. I have school - summer classes. Physics in four and a half weeks - not a pansy class, and FOUR AND A HALF WEEKS. I have homework. I have exams. My academic life is a hell of a lot more important than people's feelings - people that I barely know, honestly. Whatever. I'm sorry this post is NOW GOING UP - I just did not have the emotional and mental capacity. I'm sorry. I've emailed and messaged several people, but to everyone, I am truly sorry, about the entire situation.

I tweeted that I was expecting a backlash of opinions about the post before the post went up, but there was no way I could have expected this. I didn't. If I had known, would I have published the post? Absolutely not. There is a reason why I don't do discussion posts on my blog - and while I'll never do them

So. I really am sorry, everyone. You don't have to forgive me. You don't have to like me. You don't have to agree with me. Have your own opinions! Disagree with me just for kicks! Post your BEA haul pictures all over the Internet! Do whatever makes you happy! I just ask, please, stop tweeting, messaging, commenting with horrible, cruel things directly to me. This isn't one person I'm talking about - this is many people, which is what is surprising and killing me. Although, I suppose if that kind of thing makes you happy, then I can't contradict myself, can I? O_O

Have a great Tuesday everyone!